When Your Missionary Returns

  As a returned student missionary, something I have become passionate about is educating family and friends of returned student missionaries of what to expect when their missionary comes home. I know that it is hard on the family and friends of SMs because they don’t know what to expect, they don’t know how their friend will have changed, what experiences they have had, what they have been through. When you go as an SM you miss out on a lot and you go through a lot.

          It is scary to come back, you are just as unsure about how to fit in as your friends are. You missed out on inside jokes, pop culture, movies, songs, award shows, and television shows. Things have happened and it is hard to catch up. It can be hard to switch cultures again. You are thrown into a new culture and forced to abandon the way you used to do things before, for this new lifestyle. Then you get thrown back to where you were before and it can be confusing and overwhelming. It can be easy to get frustrated. You also have to fight the feelings of being happy to be home and see your friends and family again but yet fighting the ache in your heart of the pain of those you loved and left. It can be hard to go from being the person in charge to coming back to school and just being a person in the classroom.

         Life becomes so much more complicated and daily lifestyles can see selfish and greedy. There are so many options in the stores and everything you could ever want or need is available to you, unlike it was in the mission field. It can be hard to find your purpose again after a year of service. You go from your everyday daily life being for other people, and now you are forced to go back to school and focus on yourself and it feels selfish on many levels.

       When your friends come back from a year abroad be patient and loving towards them. Understand that though they may be sad because they miss their students or host families, they are still happy to see you and still love you. They are just as confused and frustrated as you. Let them tell stories and talk about their experiences. Returned student missionaries just want to talk and share about the things they did. They want to show pictures and talk about what they loved about their year. Let them talk it can be therapeutic.

        Be patient, for awhile they won’t understand your movie references, your inside jokes, or your pop culture references and it can be easy for a returned missionary to feel isolated and alone for awhile because they can’t relate and it can be frustrating an alienating. Include them as much as possible and help them catch up.

    They may be struggling spiritually. After a year of service and seeing God work in different real ways, you can be on a spiritual high and coming back can cause you to crash. It can be harder to find God in your come country. Help them connect and be there for them to talk to. They may not want to talk about it but be aware that they may be struggling with God.

     Being a student missionary is an amazing experience, you get to see and experience things you wouldn’t otherwise get to. You get to fall in love with other people and cultures, you get to see God in other ways. It pushes you to examine yourself and your beliefs. It challenges you in multiple ways. Being a student missionary is great but it includes transitions and it is important to be there to support them.

$240 is All You Need

240 dollars a month that all you need, simplicity. 15 close friends. Everything is so much more complicated here, loans, bills, insurance, everything is faster, there are WAY too many people. I feel like a constant swirl of to do lists and things to remember and do. It is overwhelming. I miss being needed. I miss being called "Miss" or "Epp". I miss laying in a hammock thinking about lesson plans, hanging out with students after school. I miss the cute things my kids used to say, the hugs and smiles when they left for the day. The light bulb moment when something finally clicked. There is something so rewarding about being a teacher and something so relaxing and wonderful about being on an island. It is truly something to be missed.

Left Behind

         This has been an extremely emotional week for me. This week a year ago I left my home to go the greatest place and do the greatest thing I have ever had the courage to do. As I watched posts, and pictures of the new outgoing Sms all I could think about was how I felt when I was in the shoes. I have been thinking of all the fun they will be having and all the people they will soon be meeting. I am trying really hard to be supportive and to love them and be there for them but for some reason it is so hard because I am so jealous and envious of what they are doing. I am heartbroken and miss my kids every single day. My babies are no longer my babies. They are now going to look up to someone else and I will soon be forgotten. I feel like I have been left behind in some way. Like I should be there but I am not, I am stuck here to figure out what to do next in my life. Letting go is hard but I just have to leave them in God's hands and let him take care of them.

Culture Shock: Big City

     Yesterday I went to Seattle with some friends from out of town for our day off. We spent the night at my house and left mid morning for Seattle, driving in my car.  I was extremely stressed and my anxiety level was through the roof. I couldn't figure out why; I mean I have been to Seattle hundreds of times. The night before lots of things had prohibited us from getting home before 2 am. And I was stressed about lots of things going on my life but it wasn't until we were leaving that I finally figured out what my problem was! That was the first time I had been in a big city, much less driven around since I have been home and everyone was moving so fast! And honking and it was incredibly overwhelming! Sometimes I really miss island life. 

Re-Entry Week 3

     I spent the first week of my re entry running around shopping and doing the graduation thing for my brother. Week two I spent in Walla Walla visiting friends and trying to get things settled for me to come in the fall. It was hard to figure out how I fit back in but it was good to see everyone. Week three was spent working 9 hour work days selling burgers and french fries at a snack bar. It is exhausting trying to keep up with the demands of the rush. But it is fun working with the group and I like serving the people. In the course of these three weeks I struggled with what to do with my summer, I wanted to be in Walla Walla but things were not working out, I had already turned down a counselor position at camp, I went to a job interview but hadn't heard back. Things seemed to keep falling in and out of place.
       One day as I was working in the snack bar a few staff members of the local summer camp told me they had had some people drop out last minute and they were looking for someone to come work. The idea kind of interested me because I was really missing my kids and I missed teaching. I thought well it wouldn't hurt to email them and see what they need. I told God if he wanted me at camp they would offer me the job and if they did I would take it. I emailed them and immediately heard a response, they needed a culinary teacher and that idea sounded fun to me. I emailed back and again immediately heard back. 10 minutes later I had a job and I got a call in the morning making it official. I scrambled around for the next two days working again 9 hour shifts and shopping in the evening to get ready. I had two days to gather myself and drive up to camp. God is good and is always looking out for me.
     Now that is not to say that everything is now peachy and great. Adjusting to being back home is hard and trying to adjust to camp and home at the same time is frustrating. I have had some tough moments and for some reason my anxiety has been up and down all over the place this past week. I know I am supposed to be here and I know God is taking care of me. Camp will be good for me this summer just please continue to keep me in your prayers.

Reentry: Overwhelmed

     It has been a little over a week since I touched down on US soil. With that has brought much joy and reunion, as well as tears and uncertainty. I have spent the last week running errands, trying to stay awake through the day and sleep during the night, run around with the family for my brother's graduation and reunite with friends. The busier I stay the better.
     After we dropped Greg off at the airport, to fly to camp, I drove to Walla Walla to try and catch some friends before they leave for the summer, or for their own Student Missionary experiences. It has been fun running into people but at the same time can be a little overwhelming and hard to keep track of. It is hard to have a conversation and catch up on over a years worth of stuff. Not to mention you don't understand most movie, music, and other media references. We try our best to stay in touch with what is going on in the world but let's face it we don't really.
     Coming back is hard, you get hit with a lot. Not to mention, people are trying to take finals, pack up and leave. I am hit with the bittersweet realization that people are moving on. That is good I am excited for them but at the same time things will never be the same again. The little group I once had will now slowly diminish as graduations go on and real life duties beckon. It is sad because there is no "next level", no future school that we can all move up to together, no guarantee that I will ever see them again. You can hope but you never really know.
     Change is a part of life. I know that, but that doesn't make it any easier sometimes. Leaving my island home was hard, watching people graduate and leave is hard too. We move on, we get through it, it just might hurt for awhile. Being back is good. I have enjoyed seeing everyone. At the same time it is overwhelming trying to fit in, catch up, and process everything. I miss my kids dearly every day. But things will level out and life will move on whether I want it to or not.

Leaving

      Leaving is a strange thing. It tears you apart inside. I smiled through the tears and hugged so tight I didn't want to ever let go. Pohnpei is a very special place. It takes you as you are and loves you for who you are. It holds you tight and helps you grow. It helps you appreciate life and all that it brings. 

       Leaving has single handedly been the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I have never cried so much in my life! But it is time for me to trade Sokehz rock for Mt. Rainier, teaching for learning, palm trees for pine trees, and coconuts for pinecones.

        Words just really don't express how I feel but I know that things will be okay in the end. If I don't see you again on this earth I will see you very soon in heaven.